I'm angry

I'm angry. I'm livid. I'm pissed. And I can't seem to work through it yet. I have always been mildly angry about cancer in general. Why? Why does the body attack itself? Why does such a thing even exist? In all our advancements why are we still seeing new diagnoses?

And why children?!? Why anyone, sure, but specifically, why children? These precious children that haven't had a chance to live, shouldering these very grown up troubles. Why???

I know. I know life isn't fair. I know we love in a broken world. I know life is hard. But I don't think that means I can't ask the questions. I experience incredibly intense emotions, always have. I am almost emotionally raw all of the time. There's a name for it, but it has a stigma so I won't say it.

I feel anger blindingly hot. I feel sadness and depression dangerously deep. Happy makes me feel like I could fly. So, when I say I haven't been able to work through this anger, it's partly because I'm still stuck in input mode of receiving this tide of emotions. I'm still not sure when they will stop.

I shoulder on. I keep doing the things I need to, I go to work, I spend time with my husband and daughter still at home, I check on Miss Ava and her mother and do what I can for them. But I am still angry. It took me a long time to learn to function inspite of my emotions and I'm still not sure I'm good at it. But I try. It's all any of us can do I suppose.

What are you struggling with? How can I help? Hang in there, I'm rooting for you.

Be well, y'all