Years ago, before I was a sterile compounding technician, I worked at a specialty pharmacy call center. We wore business casual dress. I worked in an office of predominantly women. And most of the women I worked with were very well put together. They were always dressed nicely, always had their hair done, make up done, nails done, etc. They were nice people, for the most part. Many were very genuine. A few... A few were like those mean girls you see in the movies. It was like working with high schoolers again. But they were usually fairly polite to me so I was to them as well.
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It is very easy to get caught up in the people you are with for so many hours of your day. It is easy to act like them, start to dress like them, take on some of their habits. My theory is it is a sort of human osmosis. You don't mean to, you know who you are, but things just creep in. These women always loved to wear trendy clothes and fun jewelry and pamper themselves. So during my tenure at this job I began to also get my nails done. And my hair. And shop for clothes, purses and shoes a lot. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I began to get acrylic nails done every two weeks. I started going to see my friend (and fantastic hair stylist) for expensive cuts and colors. I got it into my head I had to have NEW this and NEW that for each season or event. It became a big to do.
It happened so slowly I didn't even realize it at the time. I didn't realize how much it was really costing me, not just in dollars and cents. I began to relate how I felt to my appearance. I began to tie the two together. It's funny how your perspective can change drastically. I shared before about my depression. Years ago I took medical leave from work. Then I left that cube land job that had burnt me out. I took the job at the hospital that truly made me feel I was doing good work and what I did mattered. I was still doing my hair and nails but had slacked off on the shopping, at least recognizing that was becoming a problem. Maybe not to the extent that it was, but at least seeing something. Self-reflection is hard.
When my husband had to leave work it threw our lives into a completely different situation. He made about one and a half times the money I did. To lose that overnight was pretty brutal. There was literally no money for hair or nails or new clothes, etc. There was no money for a lot of things. Nor was there time. I picked up every overtime hour I could, trying to supplement any way I could. Also at my new job I could not wear makeup or jewelry or fake nails and nail polish in the cleanroom, so that effectively eliminated my obsession with buying makeup, fun jewelry pieces, and having my nails done. And also during that time my attitudes changed about a lot of things. I was no longer super concerned with dressing to impress others. I was no longer super concerned about my hair and makeup being done and perfect. I cared about these things, sure, but not at the intensity I had. And there was something very freeing about that. My priorities in life had shifted.
Photo Credit: Autumn Dozier
When I noticed more and more silver creeping into my natural hair color I decided I wanted to cover it. Remembering I had liked reddish tones in my hair I decided to run down to my local Kroger and pick up a box of something. I saw a $7 box of Raspberry Truffle, which was dark brown with red. I took it home and slathered it on. And I was happy with it.
I continued to do that for a while. Slowly things began to get a little better for us. We were able to stop drowning and start treading water financially. We weren't ballin' but we were doing much better than we were. Recently my husband was invited to a conference by a paint manufacturer. As a surprise, he arranged for me to get my hair cut and colored by this wonderful local stylist. It was a lovely surprise and I was incredibly grateful. Going to the salon was fun. I got to sip wine and be pampered. And my hair looked fantastic. It was a lovely day.
As time went on after I got my hair done I began feeling trepidation about going back to get it touched up. My stylist had said every 2 months or so I would need another color. She was right, of course, that was about the right amount of time. I just couldn't bring myself to make the appointment for color. You see, while I certainly don't have a cosmetology license or education, I am happy with my little box color. What I cannot do is cut my own hair with any certain level of skill. I will continue to send referrals to my stylist and to go see her to cut my hair. Right now, at this place in my life, that $7 box of hair color makes me happier than the money I would spend on salon color because of what we can do with that money instead for our family. (This is not a plea for discounted services in any way. Stylists are artists just like my husband is an artist and should be paid what they are worth. I firmly believe that.)
Life is about choices, all sorts of choices. I have no judgement for anyone for how they spend their money. All I am saying is self reflection is hard. Evaluating your choices and options is hard. When making a decision sometimes it helps to take a breath, step back, and remember who YOU are. That can often put me in the right mindset to make the best decision for me. And that can be hard, too, making the best decision for yourself. But ultimately you are your own best advocate, you are responsible for you, and you get to decide who you are. So if you're out there, trying to figure out who you are and make decisions for that person, I'm rootin' for you. Big.
Be well, y'all.
If you want to try the aforementioned box color, you can find it here: https://amzn.to/3wgj7d7
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