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Our story in 2018

Right around Christmas time 2018 I was asked to share our story. Some of you may know all this. Some of you may not. It was cathartic to write.

My husband in 2008 building the retaining wall in our backyard

pretty much all by himself. It is over five foot tall.


In March 2016 my husband woke up and could not bear weight on his right leg. He never returned to work. It was the onset of a chronic illness that devastated us all. He has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and has had two ministrokes. My husband worked for the commercial plumbing division of Lee Company and had been in the industry 30 years. He was superman. He could work 20 hours, sleep for 4, and get back up and do it again. He would install 350 pound water heaters alone. And he just... declined rapidly. As he made 1.5x what I made (due to experience and years in the industry) overnight we had to adjust to just my income. He had disability policies but those take a long time to actually pay out.


I work for a large city hospital. We do not qualify for any assistance, including food stamps because I make $200 a year too much. We have survived these last years by cashing out all our 401ks, selling vehicles, refinancing our home, help from my parents and "hustling" as I think it is called now. We waited almost 3 years for a 30 minute hearing for his Social Security Disability Insurance. During this time of trying to get his filings, appeals, and hearing processed the Social Security Administration did not care if we starved. And even though he was told it is obvious he needs help by the judge, his claim was denied due to how he can occasionally sweep the art room floor. Yes, that was in her decision.

My husband and daughter, he wasn't having the

best day but she was happy hang out with him.


What really impresses me through all this is our daughter. We have two minor children (no children together, our son is his and our daughter is mine), but one daughter that lives with us full time. She had just turned 14 in December 2018. Since my husband became ill she has stepped up and been such a help and a joy. She does anything we ask. She makes him coffee, gets him things when he cannot walk, cleans the house, and does her daily chores. All without complaint. Her grades are good and through all this has managed to keep up her grades. She is mature and wise beyond her years in understanding what is happening in our family. One day a few months ago I was upset, stressed about money, and wondering how we would make it. She patted my hand and said, "Don't worry mom, it won't always be like this." I cried.

Our youngest, getting ready to fly out to visit her dad.


She has gone without fun things, without items she would otherwise have, and taken on more responsibility than I wish she had to, all without complaint. While my husband is her stepfather, he has been in her life since she was two and she loves him very much. And she cares for him deeply. She is caring and loving and never complains. Her father is retired from active duty military service and he lives in Texas with his wife and two younger children. She will see him again in a few weeks as he is flying out to visit.

The six year old iPad


Obviously there is precious little to buy Christmas presents with. She is old enough she doesn't expect Santa to visit but it would be another very lean Christmas (her 3rd). She has been upbeat and happy and has not asked for anything for Christmas. Not one item. Six Christmases ago her father gifted her a used iPad so he could Facetime her. It was a big responsibility for an eight year old. We explained to her she had to take care of it because we could not replace it if it broke. Six Christmases later it is still ticking. Her top layer of the screen assembly is curling up so she duct taped it down around the edges. The screen was cracked for 2 months before we saw it. When I asked her why she didn't tell us she said because she knew we couldn't replace it and it still worked. She has kept this iPad working and safe from the age of 8-14 without complaint about the screen, it falling apart, or asking for an updated one. My husband and I wanted to try to replace that for her for Christmas that year.

Two types of duct tape... One denim and when

that began to wear out the other is galaxy.


One night in early December 2018 a girlfriend of mine asked how I was doing. Instead of giving her the knee jerk "everything is good" I opened up about how down I was and how sad I had been. A few days later she said Santa had left some gifts for us at her house by mistake. And not just for our daughter, but for my husband and me as well. I was so touched. I cried and cried. This kindness from her and her wife was humbling. They were kind human beings. And I started to believe in good things again. Not because of the material things but because of their hearts.


And then a girlfriend that works in the lab here at my hospital had lunch with me one day. She asked about Christmas. I told her about wanting to replace our youngest's iPad. I had found one on Amazon, the same version as hers, refurbished, but was within range at $108 if I could juggle some things around. A few days later we had lunch again and at the end she GAVE me an iPad for our daughter. Said she had bought it because it was a good deal on tax free weekend and not opened it until that morning to make sure all the pieces were there. It had sat, unopened, in her room for months. She wanted our youngest to have it. And wanted to bless us. And after many "are you sure?"s I gratefully took this staggeringly generous gift home. And again cried all afternoon. Not because of the cost of the gift, but because of the love that motivated it.


Another tech, who has become a sister to me and aunt to our youngest, and her husband have had us for dinner many times and this time had birthday and Christmas presents for our daughter. They gifted her Dr. Who items I could not have afforded. She was delighted. I, again, was touched. Not because of the cost, but because of the love for us that motivated their giving.


When we saw my parents to celebrate Christmas mom gifted us warm comfy things, blankets, beanies, warm hoodies, as we had been curling up at home a lot and taking our dogs to the local park. My husband gets chilled frequently. These were caring, helpful, thoughtful gifts. And my mother loooooooves Christmas. It gives her joy to celebrate. We were, again, grateful.


Through my friend in the lab I connected with a lady whose son is a published anime author. She sent me both his books, personalized to our daughter, and a signed print of the voice actor in one of her favorite series. I was blown over with gratefulness and disbelief someone we did not know would want to help us.


The lady also painted our youngest a Dr Who inspired painting for her room.


I share our story to say this... Even the darkest day only has 24 hours. Light will come in. Even if you can't see it in the dark. If you are lucky, you will see it. You will overcome the darkness and be uplifted. Hang on. People are here and they care for you.


Be well, y'all

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